our sexual past as a roadmap to our present

*CW: this post mentions sexual development

Processing how we began to understand our relationship to our own personal sexuality can give us a lot of information about why we feel the way we do in the present. Finding out more about the space we existed in, the events happening around us, and the messages we received while we were coming to understand our own sexuality can be super helpful. 

Here is a great exercise to illuminate some of the ways we came to understand and interpret our sexuality - a quick pictogram of your life. This gives us a snapshot of some of what influenced this development, maybe in ways we are only vaguely aware of. 

I'm including an example below - I've intentionally kept this hypothetical person very simple to demonstrate how this exercise works. Certainly, your own map will be more complex than this.

Consider all the possible categories of influence, socialization, and messaging that may have been existing around you. I've included 5 general categories in the example, but there can be as many or as few as are relevant in your life. The arrows demonstrate the direction of influence. There is no "right" or "wrong" here.

If you find there are traumatic experiences that might go on this map, take the time and care you need if you want to include them. Sometimes there are areas of our relationship with our sexuality that we may want to unlearn. This exercise may also highlight what no longer feels right for you. I encourage you to also take your time with this.